The Big Bed

I lay quietly in "the big bed," which Eli in all his cuteness calls Rob's and my bed. This is my second blog post in one night...haven't blogged in eons. I write these for myself to remember, to reflect upon later, to take my temperature...know where I'm at and how I'm doing and if you're reading well that's nice too! My boys sleep next to me, yep that's right...they are both here. Eli doesn't like Eli's bed tonight and was crying so much that he was coughing. I wanted to scoop him up, but Daddy needed to be the one to cave...he has more rules than me. And Daddy did cave (anyone would have, his cries were heart wrenching!). But, once Eli falls asleep he's to go back in his room...I'll get him there eventually. So I lay here and listen to Eli's little sleeping noises and I can't help but wonder if all my dreams and aspirations for the future even matter? Earlier before he fell asleep we were honking each others noses while smiling with our whole faces...no laughing allowed, we can't wake Daddy! It seemed to me that the moment with him mattered more than anything else I could have been doing. Is anything that I do or plan to do or dream to do bigger than my Mama's heart that feels so enlarged? I'm so grateful for this love in my heart and for this very good reason to slide down a slide. It's his childhood. It's his one childhood.