Being Mama

I've lived so many lives and not in a "past life" kind of way. But, the only one that truly matters is this present life. This one that contains this man and these children and this home and these families and friends. All that was on the road leading to this was good in its own right. I am better for it all. But, nothing will ever compare to being clothed in Mamahood. To living this life. The one that I struggled to attain. The one that drenched me in the goodness of God. He set my path straight...it had been so jagged, so fairweather. I was sent into the eye of the storm. I found Him there. He knew I'd come. He gave me signs to keep me hopeful. He showed up in ways only I could understand, each time I cried out to Him with my whole heart. He brought me to the breaking point...the one where I laid at His feet and shouted that I trusted His plan even if it meant I wouldn't get to be someone's Mama. It was an awful, yet freeing moment. He took me exactly where He wanted me. And then in my complete surrender, He blessed me. 3 1/2 yrs of lack and despair...but, also of trust and surrender. The most pivotal years of my life. This story isn't about getting what I wanted. This story is about leaning into God...even when it doesn't make sense. I love being Mama so much...for everything it is, but mainly for the incredible journey with God that led to this life now.